darkchestofwonders | well I confess, I don't know what to make from all this mess (closed for scarlettwin)

As always, perceptions are skewed for Matt. His world is sound, heat and smell. The weather is nice. The sky is clear. No reason for anyone to turn in fast.

"You'll get there," he offers gently. He was born and raised here and certainly doesn't hold any expectations for Wanda to reach his level any time soon. She made her way pretty fast as it was. The leather and poly-blend materials of his suit lightly creak as he leans with his fore arms on his knees just a little. "Not like you've had all that much time to just... be a tourist, right?"

There's plenty that she doesn't say. They were on the verge of a theological discussion not too long ago. Seems better to toe into deeper conversations.

"I suppose that's one way of looking at it." No time to be a tourist. No time to be a normal person. Then again, the idea of 'normal' disappeared when she was a young girl when her parents were killed in front of her.

"But I don't know if I'll get the chance to be used to the city. Always traveling somewhere...or training." Basically somewhere else than New York, or in the tower. It was never a dull day in the life of an Avenger, but some days where there were no drills, or no need for her to be somewhere...it was nice to just be a person. Another face in the crowd--if she wore a hat and sunglasses.

Though in being alone, sometimes that's when her demons and her past got the better of her. When she was left to dwell on them for too long and make stupid decisions.

"..did you mean it? You think God loves me?" she asks softly, a twinge of bitterness on her tongue.

Tourism means you can get the outside perspective. It's a luxury to just be and observe. No one really gets what they expect out of life. That doesn't mean that the small semblances where they may lie should just... go without being appreciated or explored.

"Any chance you can request a vacation? I'm sure that a guy like Captain America can get behind a concept like shore leave." Because they're people. Extraordinary people, people all the same.

He turns his head her way. "God loves everyone. He loves you, Wanda." Out of any other lips, in any other conversation with any other person this would be laughable. It's been on shirts and bumper stickers. From Matt Murdock it's a soothing balm, a kind word.

"A vacation?" Now that makes her chuckle, shaking her head, causing her hair to brush off her shoulders. "No, I don't even think any of us know what that means--except Tony. I think he purposefully has business in other tropical isles just to get away for a little while."

But what Tony did in his own time wasn't her business. How he wanted to handle being a hero and his business weren't any of her concerns.

The conversation takes on a more serious tone with the dark haired woman falling silent. She drew one leg up to her chest, holding it to her. Her eyes looked out into the distance, not paying attention to anything except the twinkling of the city's lights.

"He has a very cruel way of showing it."

"Is it really that funny?" As brief as her laughter is, it shows that not all is lost. Not yet. "What's the worst that could happen if you ask for a few days on your own? Maybe you'll finish a book or find a nice place to eat. You don't have to go all out."

They don't have to keep talking nonsense. Matt quiets too, thoughtful. He is never one to try and keep a tally over who's pain is worse or who has endured the most. Between himself and Wanda it would be about even. No parents. Bodies changed forever by chance.

"It's...old fashioned parenting that allows us to make mistakes, make choices, to hurt and to heal. There's got to be a plan to it all, not just a series of random reactions." He sighs out slowly.

In a few days there could be an alien invasion. Or a war could break out. Or they could find another sleeper cell. A bunch of things could happen in a few days. Hence, no vacation time. Not that she would actually ask for it.

Perhaps they could come back to the topic of vacations later. As the mood became heavier, Wanda found herself biting more on her tongue. She shouldn't be nasty or mean towards him. She shouldn't want to take out her anger on him. He didn't deserve, but the way he was talking...it was inflicting more pain than he realized.

"A plan to have young children witness the death of their parents? Or, to watch the slow death of others around them? Yes, that's how you would show love..." there was sarcasm to her words, but it was spoken out of hurt. She took a deep breath, pushing her feelings into a small box to deal with later.

"..I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

So they just...wait on pins and needles and never have a life? Wow, Murdock. Imagine being that devoted. He has his own boundaries. They haven't scratched the surface on his inability to leave his own goddamn neighborhood in case there's an emergency. He'd rather stay here. This is where his firm is, this is where Daredevil stalks. It's been a long, long time since he's had his own kind of vacation.

His face falls and there's a little more silence. "No, don't be sorry." Wanda will have to try better than that to be biting, to be angry. Matt's skin is thicker and he can almost feel pressure under her skin. Heat of anger, of sadness. "I don't have all the answers for you. I'd like to think that with omnipotence it makes more sense. This is the same guy who had his son live a life on earth and had him crucified."

They wait, and train. Maybe the others take vacations or time away. Maybe they go back to whatever family and friends they had. For Wanda, all she has are the Avengers. She couldn't go back to her home, there wasn't anything left there. She could stay with Clint and his family, but she wouldn't want to put them out. Really, where else could she go? Aside from her room, a place she was trying to leave more frequently.

"I wasn't looking for answers..." She was hurt and the way she could rationalize it was to blame it on someone else. To think of a higher being that had set all of this in motion just to put her down. She was letting her own anger and pity get the best of her.

"I wasn't sure what I was doing, or trying to say with that text. I was in a bad place and...the nightmares and lack of sleep didn't help."

But if there was a God who knew all and put things in motion, she didn't know what to think of them. Sure, there had been a time when religion was part of her life, but she can't say it is anymore. After all she's done and all she has witnessed, it's hard to have faith in something you can't see.

Edited 2017-07-03 05:59 (UTC)

One world destroyed, another created. There's no easy way to go about life. Matt has Foggy and Karen. Sometimes. Most times. He has Claire when he knows he's not getting on her last nerve. Taking time for yourself when all you have is yourself is difficult. She's young, younger than he is. There's a hope that perhaps she'll be able to find the balance.

"It's okay. They're your feelings. You're entitled to them." He reaches over to place a hand lightly on her shoulder. "Without bad places, we wouldn't have good places." Which was something one of the sisters of St. Agnes would tell him and all the other wards of the state. "If you need to talk I'm an excellent listener." He offers it with a brief grin. "I want to help you, Wanda. We don't have to talk in court or between fist fights. That's why I thought it might be nice to get you here." Out of her usual space, in the open air.

Wanda is one of the youngest Avengers the Team has, but she has seen things and experienced things that have aged her mentally and emotionally. She was still trying to piece back together her life. Trying to find some niche where she fit in. Wanda was used to having her brother, her twin at her side. Since his death, she had been trying to figure out what she should do and where she belonged. Yes, she had a duty to the Avengers, a need to make up for her past misdeeds...but she was still figuring things out.

She reached up to the hand on her shoulder. Rather than remove it, she placed her hand on top of his, her fingers finding the small spaces between his digits. He was trying to cheer her up, trying to make her see the better side of things.

"I know...you want to help, so does Steve, so does Clint." Help her cope, help her learn to move on. It was a day to day journey. "I don't want help...I want..." her brother, her family. She wanted to be given just a moment of weakness and not be judged for it.

"I want a friend." Someone who didn't see her as a fragile thing, but a woman who had gone through so much and still dealing with a lot. She didn't want pity, just someone to listen to her and maybe comfort her.

Easily their hands thread together. Matt stays quiet in the moment. The wind blows some of her hair and it brushes against his face and sends an array of fragrances renewed into the air. Her heart is beating, her eyes blinking and every inhale and exhale is her own. He only knows half of the story, only what she's wanted to tell him. While he's constantly listening to the world around him, Matt has had the luxury of filtering in and out what he'd like to pay attention to. One of them is the constant stream of media. It's a vague awareness, never a full commitment. He knows what she has told him and what he has read from the Bulletin.

"Okay," he answers softly. "I can do that." To the best of his abilities. They don't have any secret agendas or identities. They are who they are. That's how it has been. The simplicity removes potential miss trust.

[ooc: Why you do this to me?! Urgh, last post before work. Loving this!]

There is much about her that the media doesn't report on, and honestly, she prefers it that way. She doesn't want to open any of her old wounds and broadcast it for the world to see. There's already enough on her; former terrorist, former HYDRA agent, and the biggest one of all: a living weapon. Someone who could easily manipulate others. A monster in plain sight. But she'll take those comments, and keep her head up high.

Wanda squeezes his hand and finds herself leaning against him. Maybe it was only fitting that a witch would find comfort in the devil of Hell's kitchen.

"Thank you..." she murmurs, eyes blinking rapidly from the wind and from the emotions swirling inside of her. Silence filled the space between them with both of them listening to the light buzzing of the lights of the city. After a long stretch of silence, she finally breaks it.

"...I've been dreaming of Pietro. I haven't dreamed of him in months and now...it feels like I've lost him again." Her twin, her brother. Two months ago she visited his grave on the anniversary of his death.

The media focuses on what will catch the most attention. And unfortunately, a sensationalized villain of sorts sells papers and grabs attention. This vulture mentality goes deeper than Wanda, why else would they focus on HYDRA? Sometimes it really does seem like there is less of a focus on information and more on a brand of fear mongering.

There is no monster here. Just a young woman who is trying to find her way in the world. Double irony is that a blind man is offering his insight and sympathy. No one said anything was going to be perfect.

"...tell me about your dream." Now that they're seated closer there's no reason to speak above a hush. Matt's hand stays in her's.

It shouldn't be hard to talk about her brother or the dreams he's in. It shouldn't be hard to discuss what's bothering her, but it is. Dealing with grief was still a process. There were days where she didn't miss him as much and days where she missed him so much it hurt. The one constant person in her life is gone. And though she has made peace with it, the pain still lingers.

Wanda takes in a slowed, control breath. She wouldn't get teary eyed. She wouldn't let her voice waver. She would not fold or crumple in his presence. She was stronger than this.

"It's jumps around. I see him with our parents...playing around in our home and then.." her mind travels to those dreams. Those happy images that soon shift and are filled with screams. "We're with HYDRA, with the others who volunteered. It becomes a mess after that, but I relive that pain and the sound of screams fills my head."

She squeezes Matt's hand, leaning on him for strength. "I don't know why they keep coming back. "

Edited 2017-07-05 05:47 (UTC)

Strength isn't always about keeping it together. In order to stay strong you need to find your limits, investigate them and understand them. Easier said than done. Wanda asked for someone to be there for her. Not necessarily for advice.

Matt's lips press together thoughtfully. "What you've been through--not every person would come out half as composed as you. Give yourself time to heal. It really sounds like it happened so fast, one thing after another." No judgement, no removed perspective. He just speaks slowly, thoughtfully. Trying to puzzle it through with her rather than give advice.

There's a slow nod of her head. This was what she needed. Someone to listen to her, and understand or attempt to understand where she was coming from. Not offer advice and figure out a way to 'fix' her. To clean up the mess in her head and make her 'all better.'

"I had some time to mourn him...maybe not enough," she murmured softly, squeezing his hand again. After Pietro passed away Wanda mourned for a week, getting things ready for her to go to New York...then came training. When she wasn't training, she was in her room, trying to keep the world out. Trying to learn how to be alone.

"I don't want to tell Steve. He already has enough to deal with. I don't want to add on to it."

Edited 2017-07-05 06:18 (UTC)

Better is getting out of bed and being with other people. That takes plenty of effort. A heavy feeling in Matt's chest starts to well. There's no quick fix here, no simple word or remedy. If only it was that easy.

"Take time for yourself to grieve and just feel. Your life has changed so much. And think about it, Wanda. Your adapting to a whole new existence. Could your dreams be an expression of your fear of the change?"

Dealing with this level of sorrow surrounded by friends. It's lonely. So lonely. "Suffering together brings people closer. I know for sure he wouldn't want you to feel like you're on your own."

Fearful of change...that was one possibility. Considering Sokovia had foreign agencies trying to take over for many, many years, change always meant something bad. Something inherently evil. But she learned how to cope with it. Change and death were inevitable. She learned that first hand.

"I don't think it's about change. Perhaps maybe I haven't grieved enough or taken much time for myself. " That seemed reasonable, didn't it? Or maybe she wasn't at peace as well as she thought she was.

"I'm adapting to an existence where people fear me instead of me fearing others. Feeling powerless to do nothing. "

Matt hums thoughtfully. "You're worth the time." That's why he's here with her. "The anxiety of the unknown, of moving past where you've been too quickly could charge things." He gently moves his thumb over the top of her hand. And he knows better than to pry or suggest that there's survivor guilt in the mix.

"...I'm not afraid of you. It's not impossible. Anyone that is afraid of you don't know you well enough." One person verses a whole mess of others. "If you could do anything, anything at all, what would you do?"

Wanda let's put a soft scoff. "Are you certain?"

Her? Being worth the time? Or not being afraid of her? He didn't want to give into the hype the media put in? How much of a danger she was? Or that she could easily manipulate him? Reach into his mind and find his fears to use against him? He knew her, yes, but not that much. The same was true of her, she didn't know much about him and his life. They were placing a great deal of trust in each other to exchange numbers and be on a roof where they could throw the other off.

As for his question,..that left her silent. "I don't know. I never gave it much thought. " why think about a future that wasn't in reach? "You spend so much time trying to survive, to get through to the next day, you forget to dream of a better life. "

"Yes," without hesitation or a moment to pause. They're here right now together. Wanda knows his identity and could destroy him without any use of power. The rest? Well, Matt surrenders to the fact that she could rip him apart. Could doesn't mean should or will. He has the full training that could hurt people. How is it so very different? (Don't answer that, idle thought.)

"How about you make a list, you don't have to do everything on it. Just, focus on what you'd like to do, big or small. I'll try to do what I can. ...You're not really alone." If she has to hurt and struggle, let it be with company.

Matt doesn't have to do anything for her. He could give her advice and then leave her to her own devices. He was trying to help her, acting more as the friend she needed right now.

"You don't need to do anything else. What you're doing is enough. " more than enough. He was giving her the chance to unpack her emotions and feel safe to do it. No fear of being judged or anything of the like.

What makes his actions even more profound was his lack of hesitation. He didn't hesitated or falter to reaffirm her of his words. That she was worth the time. She wasn't someone to be afraid of. She didn't know if she would make a list but if she could more moments like this: being with him and just talking to each other...that would be enough.

"Thank you again. "

Acting and intervening when you have the power is a running theme in Matt's life. It's innately wrong to turn away when she is right here, her life isn't getting any easier on it's own. And more than that, for once he's dealing with someone that is open to his help directly and not in the court of law.

"The offer stands, should you change your mind." Wanda is in control of her progression. This is her life. And he knows that it won't have any meaning at all if things are done for her. They're still seated close together, his hand in her own. The night is alive around them.

"You can text me whenever you like. I keep odd hours. One way or another, I'll get back to you."

Wanda should have pulled back from Matt by now. Withdrew her hand and give him some space. Yet, she continued to hold his hand as though he was her anchor to keep her grounded. It felt good to be this close to someone without sensing their fear or be this close because it's part of ploy or mission. She had someone else to lean on. Someone who didn't know or wasn't part of the red tape that the Avengers faced.

She found herself squeezing his hand again. "I know. If anything changes, you'll be the first person I'll tell. " if she created tha bucket list and needed someone to go on the adventure with her.

A light huff left her lips, turning to look at him. "Being a hero is never a 9 to 5 job. But, the same applies to me. Doesn't have to be me reaching out. " even though that had been the case for the past few nights. "Even the Devil needs a moment or two to refocus. "

He can't save the world. If Matt were more honest with himself, he'd see that he can't save all of Hell's Kitchen. But he can help who he can. He can be there for people that deserve it. Like Wanda. She has done nothing to deserve each tidal wave over her head. Their little talks about God and faith had initially been to see if perhaps religion could be an anchor. It has to be something. The ground isn't steady, not when the creator of Heaven and Earth allowed catastrophe, perhaps even planned it.

So he will be here. Gladly. Willingly. He wants to be here. Matt squeezes back, knowing his strength and the way the gloves feel abrasive.

"Thank you. I appreciate it." Completely.

That kind of turning the conversation on a dime skill would be terrific in court. She's got him right there, Murdock. "My mess? Ah." He laughs and lightly shakes his horned head. "Some nights I don't even know where to start."

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